Tightrope
by melonitay
Summary: "...but the only person she can think of is him. And how it ended. And why it's very important she doesn't get that close to someone again." The rating will most likely change soon.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi, this little introduction won't be long. Our names are Dani and Brooke (quohtes and bensler on IG) we're new to writing, so hopefully this doesn't completely suck! This story is set somewhere around season 13ish. We're not going to include the new cast members.

Review and let us know what you think.

The below freezing air makes her expelled breaths visible; if her body wasn't completely numb right now, she probably wouldn't have made it this long. She takes a sip of her coffee and involuntarily grimaces; of course, it's ice cold. The blinking clock on the dashboard catches her attention and she rubs her eyes to make sure she's reading it correctly. 10:17 P.M. They've been out here for two and a half hours and there hasn't been an ounce of activity. This stakeout is good for her, it's distracting. Otherwise she would be thinking about _him_. And how she stopped calling him 2 months ago because she can take a hint. When someone continuously ignores you, eventually you stop trying. He's been working Brooklyn Homicide for the past 6 months.

"How long are we gonna stay out here? I'm freezing. And hungry." His voice pierces her thoughts; she furrows her brows before refocusing. He's a 25 year old detective who barely walked a beat. They've been partnered for about 3 weeks, and she's...adjusting. She wants nothing more than to go back to the normalcy of a partnership again, but the only person she can think of is him. And how it ended. And why it's very important she doesn't get that close to someone again.

"As long as it takes." As if on cue, her stomach growls and she rolls her eyes. They watch the house intently for a few more minutes and he starts again.

"It's been almost 3 hours, nothing's happening. Come on, Benson." He pleads with her and she finally glances at him. His lips are quivering and she suppresses a laugh. Rookies.

"Okay. But only because my ass is numb." She starts the car and they make their way back to the precinct. She listens to him talk about everything. His girlfriend, his new apartment, his adopted dog, the courses he took in college, what he had for dinner last night, where his parents honeymooned, his sisters new fiancé. Getting information like this out of Elliot was like pulling teeth; she really has to stop comparing them. "Do you wanna drive?" She hopes the task will shut him up. The last thing she needs right now is a headache.

"Are you serious?" He sounds like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yeah!" He's already opening his door.

"Okay, calm the hell down Evans. Let me park the car first." She pulls up to an empty spot and they switch seats.

"Put on your seat belt and hold on, Benson. I'm about to make this car my bitch." He sees her disapproving look and immediately corrects himself. "I mean, you know, show you my driving skills."

"I know what you meant. Shut up and drive." She settles into the passenger seat and checks her phone. No messages or calls. She masks her disappointment and puts her phone away. With his eyes on the road, she decides to study her partner. Collin Evans. He's young and has a lot to learn. Like, a lot a lot. But he has a good heart from what she's seen. He's fresh out of the academy, barely walked a beat. He's a handsome guy. Sandy blonde hair, green eyes, chiseled jaw, very fit. He's a poster cop. He's the cop that tourists want to take pictures with. She rolls her eyes and observes the streets of New York City. Home.

* * *

><p><em>She'd just come back from an interview with Fin when Cragen called her into his office. Her witty attitude never let her down in these kind of one-on-ones, but this was different. She heard it in Cragen's voice, saw it in his eyes. Her mind went blank and she lost the ability to breathe evenly. Recovering quickly, she put on her infamous poker face and followed him into his office. <em>

_"Close the door, Olivia." She wanted to run. She tried to get her breathing under control while she gently closed the door; she took her time before she turned around to face him. The silence was deafening. "Elliot put his papers in."_

* * *

><p>After a 10 minute drive, they pull into the precinct parking lot. "So? Am I good or what?" He's so eager for compliments, she decides to toy with his ego.<p>

"How about you leave the driving to me?" With that, she gets out of the car and makes her way into the building.

"You're kidding, right?" He's sprinting towards her with an exasperated expression. "For real. You are kidding, aren't you? Come on, you know I did good. Grade me." His boyish attitude is drastically different than what she's used to. They wait for the elevator and he folds his arms.

He almost reminds her of herself when she first started working at SVU. Almost. She shakes her head and laughs. "Alright, you did okay. 7 out of 10." They move into the elevator and ride up in silence. Surprisingly.

After informing Cragen of their unsuccessful night, they descend from his office to work on their paperwork with one of Collin's playlists quietly filling the silence. 20 minutes later, they're done.

"Goodnight, Benson." Evans waved on his way out.

"Night" She tidies up her desk and decides to check her phone again. 1 unread message. She holds her breath and taps on the message icon. It's not him. She's disappointed.

* * *

><p>TO: Olivia Benson<p>

FROM: Collin Evans

You're a tough grader.

* * *

><p>She ignores his message and turns off her desk light. "Night captain." She makes her way toward the elevator and waits.<p>

"Goodnight." She hears him quietly make his way over to her and before she has a chance to look at him, he's holding a small round cake, willing her to take it. He's the father she never had. "And happy birthday, Olivia." She fights the urge to cry and instead hugs him briefly. He smiles and nods in the direction of the waiting elevator.

Ridding herself of work clothes is something she's grown to look forward to. Yes, she's at that stage in her life. She turns on the shower and steps in, letting the hot water cleanse her body. This is her thinking time, but lately thinking leads to crying and she's so tired of crying. She's drained, emotionally and physically. Work used to mean so much to her; it was tragic and traumatic, but at least she wasn't alone. At least she had him to make her feel alive. At least she meant something to someone. After two glasses of red wine and a pity party that's surely run it's course, she makes her way to bed. This is how it is most nights. He's who she wants. Wanted. Wants. She doesn't even know anymore. She's not sure of anything except that fact that she deserves a fucking explanation. He owes her that much.

**2:29 A.M.**

Her eyes shoot open and her heart races. She waits as her breathing starts to settle down only to hear it again. Loud, and quite frankly, obnoxious banging on her door. Her hand instantly finds her gun in her bedside table before she wraps her robe around her body and slowly makes her way to the door, careful not to make any noise. The banging starts again and she takes a deep breath before looking through the peek hole. It's him. Her body relaxes before she fully registers that while he may not be dangerous to her physically, he's definitely dangerous mentally. She carefully unlocks the door and opens it before he has a chance to knock again. Her eyes immediately find his and the will to fight she mad moments ago vanishes.

"Liv." His voice makes her eyes close and her grip on the door tighten. She's missed him so much. Her first instinct is wrap her arms around him but that's not gonna happen. She studies him quickly before her eyes find his; his black suit jacket is slung over his arm and his white dress shirt clings to his body. Elliot Stabler's body is a sight for sore eyes. "How about you put the gun down?" The feeling of missing him quickly turns into annoyance; the balls on this guy, after all these years, still managed to knock the wind out of her. She cocks her eyebrow and narrows her eyes.

"How about I make my own decisions?" It comes out harsher than she intended but that's a good thing. "What are you doing here?" He's clearly prepared for his visit because her hard attitude doesn't seem to affect him at all. After mentally debating with herself, she gives in and retreats to her bedroom to put the gun back in it's rightful place.

When she re-enters the living room, he's leaning on the kitchen island with one hand cradling a beer, he must have helped himself, and the other hand is holding a manila folder, she missed that when she first observed him. He looks strangely at home. This is how it used to be. They'd come back to her apartment after a hard case and he'd drink a little too much so he wouldn't have to drive home, she wouldn't let him. Before she lets her mind wander off too far, she breaks the silence. "Does your visit have something to do with that file in your hand?" She pushes her side bang behind her ear and moves toward him with caution.

He takes her in. She can feel his eyes on her as she moves around him and into the kitchen. She can't look at him too long, it's dangerous. She doesn't trust herself. She opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water, she takes a long sip before putting it back. When she turns around, he's eyeing her birthday cake from Cragen. "You can have a piece if you want." She knows he feels guilty and her sweet voiced offer is the icing on the cake. No pun intended.

He runs his hand down his face and sighs. She finally faces him. Direct eye contact with Elliot Stabler is not a good idea. He wants to say something. His mouth opens and closes multiple times before she caves. "Look, I'm tired." Her voice is laced with defeat and she hangs her head. There's so much she wants to say to him.

"So am I." He hangs his jacket on her kitchen stool and puts his beer on the counter. Suddenly he's in front of her with his hands on her shoulders and she feels tears coming. "I'm sorry, Liv." And she knows his apology isn't just because he missed her birthday. He's sorry for abandoning her. He's sorry he's here. He's sorry for things he hasn't done yet. His pained voice only makes this harder for her. She finds her voice again, and without looking at him, she whispers so quiet she's not sure he even heard her.

"Go home, Elliot."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! We're gonna try to update weekly, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

* * *

><p>She told him to leave and he did. The one thing she wants him to fight her on and he decides to oblige. Typical Elliot. Going back to sleep was out of the picture, she wouldn't be able to fall sleep even if she wanted to. Instead, she showered and went over the events of the night, or early morning really. His close proximity in the kitchen and his hands on her are clouding her mind. He's divorced and they could have easily taken things too far, and against her better judgement, she wishes they did. Focusing in work today is going to take some extra effort on her part. By the time she's showered and made herself breakfast, it's 5:40 A.M. She decides to walk to work for the first time in a long time. It's a new day.<p>

She strolls into the precinct with two coffees in hand, this is the first time she's brought her new partner coffee. This is progress. Her walking comes to a halt when she sees him. Hears him. He's talking to Cragen. _What?_ Cragen spots her and waves her over. She approaches the group. Captain, Elliot, Evans, and an older gentleman she doesn't recognize. She doesn't get to introduce herself, Cragen starts as soon as she's within earshot.

"Brooklyn needs our help. Do you remember the Steve Mander case from '05?" He doesn't wait for her reply. He doesn't need to. "He's out on early release and Elliot thinks he's good for 2 cold case homicides. We're gonna work together on this and get this guy back behind bars where he belongs." Cragen dismisses himself and asks to see Olivia in his office. She stands in place with surprise etched on her face. What the hell just happened? Elliot takes a coffee from her and sips it.

"Just how I like it. Thanks." He has a cocky grin plastered on his face and before she has a chance to react, Collin walks over to them, and not to her surprise, voices his opinion.

"I like this guy." He sounds like a fan and Elliot loves every second of it. Watching the two of them interact gives her an uneasy feeling. She knows Elliot's putting on a show and she decides to put an end to it.

"Do you? Good. Then I guess you'll be okay with the fact that he just took your coffee." She narrows her eyes at Elliot before joining Cragen in his office. This is not how her day was supposed to start off. Him being here doesn't feel...normal, which is weird considering they've spent 12 years together in this building. She sits opposite of Cragen and takes a breath. She knows why he called her in here.

"Are you okay or should I put Fin on this?" He's always been overly protective of her and for the most part, she's welcomed it. She likes having someone care about her well being. Before the stare-off gets too intense, she replies.

"Cap, I'm fine." After she's sure she's convinced him, she stands and makes her way to the door. "Thank you, though." He nods and she closes his door on her way out. Elliot already has Collin wrapped around his finger and it's annoying, to be honest. The whole reason she's distant from her new partner is because of him, and he just waltzes in here like nothing happened. On one hand, it's hard to be mad at him when he's clearly trying very hard to move past everything. On the other hand, she wants to tell him to go to hell. Go back to Brooklyn.

"Thank you for helping us. I'm James Clark. My daughter...uh," It's the older man from the briefing. She doesn't need him to continue any further to know why he's here. The sadness in his voice tells her everything. His daughter is one of the victims. "My daughter was murdered and Detective Stabler thinks you can help. I wanted to meet you. I wanted to let you know how much it would mean to me." His teary eyed plead breaks her heart. She takes his hand and reassures him that she'll help in any way she can. And she means it. They make polite conversation until Elliot interrupts. He tells James they're bringing the suspect in to interrogate him and urges him to go home and wait for "the call."

10 minutes later, she makes her way up to the crib knowing he'll follow. It's time to talk. She needs answers. She opts to stand, sitting on a bed with Elliot doesn't seem like a good idea. She waits. When he enters the room, her pulse quickens. His eyes find hers and they stand in silence for a while. Or maybe it's a second. She tends to lose all track of time when she's around him. He moves closer and her eyes find his lips. His smile pulls her out of her daze and she clears her throat.

"Your new partner...he's young." Okay. Elliot's stating the obvious. That's not why they're in here, this isn't about her. She'd love to throw guilt his way for leaving her without an explanation, but she's spent a lot of time feeling sorry for herself and it's getting old. She wants to know his side.

"Yeah." She quickly dismisses his statement. He's never been one to fill the silence with unnecessary chatter so he stays quiet. "How's Brooklyn?" Her voice is shaky and her breath is uneven. His effect on her will never change.

"Better than I thought it'd be." His admission makes her stomach drop. That probably means he doesn't plan on coming back. His blue eyes bore into hers and he's even closer now. They're no more than a foot apart. "Believe it or not, I can sleep at night now." He smiles and out of habit, so does she. His happiness has always been her happiness. Her pain has always taken a backseat to whatever was going on in his life. "I miss you, Olivia." His voice is deep and quiet. Her eyes close slowly before reopening and a sad smile plays on her face. She's been waiting 6 months to hear those words and it feels just as good as she thought it would to finally hear them. His declaration of missing her instantly warms her up. Or maybe it's the closeness. She does her best to push the feelings aside, this can't happen right now.

"Why'd you leave? And why haven't you answered my calls?" This is what she needs to know in order to move on. She's spent too much time over-analyzing the decisions he's made. He hesitates and puts a little space between them. She immediately feels the warmth disappear. This is real now.

"After the separation, then the shooting... I needed to redefine myself, I guess." He pauses and tries to find some understanding in her eyes. She coldly urges him to continue. "I didn't wanna make anymore mistakes." His last words come out quiet and his queens accent is thick. She's missed him so much. Before she knows it, her eyes are watery and she turns away from him. Damn it. This needs to stop happening. Tears shouldn't come so easily. She needs to pull it together. His arms awkwardly find their way around her and she uses the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her eyes. If she'd stayed facing him, this hug would have been a little more comfortable. Ignoring her heart, she finally puts herself first. No. She reluctantly pulls away from his embrace and gets into Benson mode.

"That's not good enough, Elliot." She uses his whole name because damn him. "I tried to call you so many times. I would've helped you." His blank stare tells her he doesn't have anything else to say. She decides to take advantage of their open conversation because they don't get have too many of them. "Doing this job without you...it doesn't feel right." Maybe starting this conversation at work wasn't such a good idea after all. She can tell he's internally struggling and she hates watching him like this, so she rescues him. "But Brooklyn...you look happy." And since he has never known how to express himself properly, he just nods in agreement. He's okay. But happy? She's pushing it _and they both know it._

Evans knocks and enters without approval. Real life sets back in and she quickly distances herself from him.

"Uh..." Collin Evans is speechless. That's a first.

"What is it?" Elliot asks, his voice laced with annoyance.

"Two uniforms just brought Steve Mander in. He's in the box. Want me to start without you?" The excitement in his voice is shot down too quickly.

"No." Her voice is surprisingly sturdy. She moves around Elliot and makes her way to fulfill a silent promise she made to James. She thinks of his daughter, and the empty room in his house where she once slept. His plead for closure clears her mind and only one thing matters right now. Justice. This is the part of her job that allows her to sleep at night. This is what makes it all worth it. She hears Elliot behind her and within a minute, they walk in sync to the interrogation room. It's almost like nothing's changed...except _everything_ has.

After 3 hours of trying to crack Steve Mander, they finally come across a lead. His mother. She doesn't corroborate his alibi and that's when they know they have him. Olivia goes back in the box alone. She knows Elliot's history and they can't afford to have this case thrown out. His passion can't outweigh the promise she made, not right now. She tells him about his mother's visit and the rest is history. When Olivia's done with her paperwork, Elliot's no where to be found. She guessing he went back to Brooklyn to give James Clark the news. Some peace of mind. She spends the rest of the day finishing and filing old paperwork, it's relatively quiet around the precinct compared to a normal day and she's grateful. It gives her time to think. She wants to call him, but decides against it. If he wants to make this better, he needs to reach out to her.

By the end of the day, the realization that it's Friday sets in. Fin, Munch, Evans, and Casey are going out for drinks and she decides to join them. She could use a night out. She didn't get to celebrate her birthday properly and it's better late than never.

"You ready?" Fin's voice pulls her out of her own head and she smiles. She's grateful she has a casual outfit to change into in her locker, wearing a suit to the bar attracts the wrong kind of attention.

"Yeah. I'll change and meet you downstairs."

"Okay." Before Fin steps on the elevator, he stops as if he just remembered something. "The kid invited Stabler. Thought you'd wanna know." His nickname for Evans always gets her. Not this time. She really needs to have a conversation with Collin; maybe fill him in on some things. He shrugs and steps on the elevator in a way only Fin could, as if he didn't just drop a bomb on her.

She changes into dark skinny jeans, a black sheer shirt, and quickly fixes her makeup. She glances in the mirror and decides it's an appropriate look for a Friday night. She slings her leather jacket over her arm and rushes to meet the rest of the squad. The walk to the bar is anything but silent. Munch is telling Evans what "really" happened between Clinton and Lewinsky while Fin and Elliot try mercilessly to shut it down, and Casey is trying to persuade Olivia to go jogging with her on Sunday. Just like old times. Plus one.

When they get to the bar, they find a table they can all sit at. It's a mixed crowd, college kids, old friends, lovers, the usual people you'd find in a bar. Evans excuses himself from the group and starts talking to an old friend he recognizes. Now it really is like old times.

"Alright, first round's on me." Elliot declares.

"You sure about that? Don't you have like 11 kids to put through college?" Fin hardly gets his question out before he starts laughing. Elliot dismisses himself and makes his way to the bar. There's some small talk at the table but none she's really interested in. She's checking her email when his text comes through.

* * *

><p>TO: Olivia Benson<p>

FROM: Elliot Stabler

I like those jeans on you.

* * *

><p>She reads it twice. Three times. Four times. <em>What?<em> When she glances at the bar, she sees him pay before retreating back to the table with their drinks. She shoves her phone in her pocket and tries to focus on the group discussion that seems to be happening. Something about a dating website and speed dating. Oh god. He gives everyone a drink and sits next to her. He easily joins their conversation and she slowly sips her beer. She doesn't really know what to say. They're sitting side-by-side, legs touching, and neither of them are making any effort to move. She's trying really hard to listen to Casey talk about the first amendment but he's so close. And flirty. And she **needs** another drink.


End file.
